The other day, my best friend asked me how I was doing. She knows I have been stressed. I told her that I was getting through. Her response: “Well, I would rather you were thriving every single day, but getting through at all is better than not getting through.” Such words of wisdom.
In one week, I will be done with all of the work for my classes. I have not really come to terms with the fact that this means I will be done with college, but I am pretty sure it does. And I need more time for everything. I need more time to work on my final projects for my classes. I need more time with my friends. I need more time to just relax. I need more time with my favorite teachers. I need more time for my pre-institute work (which, sadly, has received NO attention so far…guess that’s what I will be doing in between the end of classes and graduation).
Most of all, I need time to deal with what a huge transition this is going to be. When I accepted my offer to do TFA, I realized that I would have essentially no summer, but it didn’t really hit me what that meant until recently. Classes end this week, and I will be done with all my work by the end of the first week of May. I will continue to have practice for rowing at least until graduation on May 22nd. I have to be moved out of my house by May 25th. And I am leaving to drive to Mississippi on June 4th. Somewhere in there I need to pack, buy everything I need, do my pre-institute work, and come to terms with leaving Charlottesville for the first time in my life. Where is the time to just hang out and do nothing? If only induction and institution were pushed back a week, that would give me so much more time.
I never intended on spending my last few weeks of college in the library, but that’s what it has been like. I go back and forth between wishing I had made my semester easier, and realizing that for the next two years I will not be doing any of my own research, my own writing, and my own studying. I will be doing work for other people, which is a while lot different, so I should probably be cherishing this time where I am doing the kind of work that I enjoy the most. But it is hard when all I can think about is the fact that I get no real break before I am thrown into 5 weeks of intense learning how to be a teacher and then actually becoming one.
So much for my pre-deciding to apply for TFA plan of taking some time off after college just to do something totally random and not stressful before going back to grad school. Maybe that will turn into my new post-TFA plan.
For now, it is one less-than-thriving day at a time.